


Fuck

by Vladimir_Kalblood_Winthrop



Series: The Cop and The Actor [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Actor Eren Yeager, Established Relationship, Famous Eren Yeager, Famous Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Fluff, Humor, Kid Mikasa, M/M, One Shot, Police Officer Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Rated for Levi's Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 03:32:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7151342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vladimir_Kalblood_Winthrop/pseuds/Vladimir_Kalblood_Winthrop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nobody ever expected Levi Ackerman, the infamous ex thug and legendary coldhearted cop, to tie the knot with one man. Obviously, none of these people had met Eren Jaeger, actor on the streets and titan in the sheets.</p><p>    Fast forward two years and Eren and Levi decide they want to adopt a kid. What could go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fuck

**Author's Note:**

> This is a really random, slightly plotless one shot because I needed to write something fluffy. Enjoy!
> 
> Edit: I just wrote a prequel to this story. I'm going to call it part two in the series but if you want to read it first you can. Both stories also work as standalones, so you don't have to read one or the other if you don't want.

            Nobody ever expected Levi Ackerman, the infamous ex thug and legendary coldhearted cop, to tie the knot with one man. He was too wild to be tamed, people would say; too insatiable to settle for a lifelong partner. They said that no man would be able to keep up with him and even less men would be able to put up with him. Obviously, none of these people had met Eren Jaeger, actor on the streets and titan in the sheets. When Ackerman first started dating Jaeger, people said it was just for the sex, that eventually, Levi would get bored or Eren would find someone better. Of course, the couple was constantly followed and stalked by media and paparazzi trying to get insight on the relationship, but, despite Eren’s absolute inability to stay hidden, his boyfriend was pretty good at keeping them out of the spotlight. So nobody saw it coming when an amateur photographer snapped a picture of the two men up at the front of a small chapel surrounded by family and friends. Somehow, Eren Jaeger had managed to capture Levi’s heart, a feat no man had ever accomplished before. Sure, Ackerman had captured the hearts of many young men throughout his bachelor days, but never once did he fall for any of them. When people warned Eren that he would only come out of the relationship with a broken heart, he dug his heels into the ground and refused to accept defeat. And so he married Levi Ackerman.

            If anything, the marriage only succeeded in encouraging the paparazzi as they attempted to catch one of the two men cheating. A marriage between those two surely can’t last, people insisted. But it did. For two years, paparazzi followed Eren and Levi constantly, but never managed to catch them in any sort of compromising situations. They were disgustingly adorable together in their domestic bliss, and eventually, the reporters gave up. It looked like Hollywood had a new power couple that was there to stay.

            There was only one reporter, a certain Dot Pixis from the Garrison newspaper who bothered to stick around the two men, and boy did it pay off. He was clever and sneaky, so, despite all of Levi’s precautions, Pixis learned the biggest piece of gossip since Justin Bieber broke up with Selena Gomez: he snapped several pictures of several separate occasions of Eren and Levi at an adoption agency.

            Again, the world went crazy. Both Eren and Levi were bombarded with letters from insane fans begging them to adopt their babies. Some people even offered to donate eggs and carry a child in their own wombs! Needless to say, the couple decided against all of these suggestions and instead decided to adopt somewhere where their privacy was more likely to be respected. So they set to work. Levi convinced Police Chief Erwin Smith to release to the public that he would be out of the country dealing with a criminal who threatened national security. That way, nobody would know where he was going. Then, he caught a midnight flight to Japan. At the same time, Eren was in the middle of filming for and upcoming karate movie. It was a high budget film, so the cast would be spending several weeks in China filming crucial scenes. With help from his agent, Armin Arlert, Eren was able to secure one week of vacation in the middle of filming, so as soon as his scenes were completed, he hopped on a plane straight from China to Japan. About a month later, after Eren had completely finished in China and both of them had finished all of their Japanese paperwork, the couple flew back home, Eren with a toddler sleeping on his lap for the entire flight.

            As soon as they got off of their plane, before they even made it out to their car, the paparazzi were upon them, waking the sleeping toddler. As soon as they saw the little girl, the reporters went absolutely ballistic, shoving past each other to try to ask questions, but with one look from Levi, the entire group silenced. The little girl, not accustomed to so much noise and already on edge from the new surroundings, burst into tears. Levi was furious and gave the reporters a piece of his mind as Eren soothed their new daughter before moving on to sooth his cranky husband as well. And that was Mikasa Ackerman’s introduction to the entire world.

            The public absolutely adored Mikasa. They doted over her like she was royalty. But Levi and Eren wanted their daughter to grow up away from fame and glory. They wanted her to have a normal childhood. Unfortunately, that meant that, because they did not have a professional paid nanny like many other celebrities, they frequently made mistakes. Neither of them knew the first thing about raising a child, and both had completely full schedules because of their high demanding jobs. So, needless to say, their lives quickly became very hectic.

            One evening, while Levi was at home with Mikasa, Eren had a long string of interviews about his most recent film. Eren answered all sorts of questions about his character, about the other actors before, as usual, the topic shifted over to his personal life. Eren didn’t really mind the lack of privacy so he was often bombarded with questions. The paparazzi never seemed to ask Levi as much because, of course, even though the public loved him to death, they feared for their lives in his presence.

            “So, how’s it going with the old hubby?” one reporter asked Eren.

            Eren smiled fondly. “Things between Levi and me have never been better. Ever since we adopted Mikasa, things have been great. Even when we fight, we always know that we need to be there for her, and that helps us keep everything in perspective.”

            “So you two fight often?”

            “We fight about as much as any normal couple. Remember, we’re people too, even though we’re also celebrities. Really the biggest problem between the two of us is that we’re both really stubborn, so we end up arguing about the stupidest things. Just last week, Levi and me didn’t speak to each other for almost an entire day because I kept leaving out the butter. I mean, it’s not like I wasn’t going to put it away, I just hadn’t gotten to it yet!” Eren pouted. A few reporters laughed before another stepped forward.

            “What about Mikasa? How old is she now?”

            “Umm… she’s just over eleven months now.”

            “And has she spoken at all yet?”

            “Yes, ohmygod it was amazing!” Eren gushed. “We were actually starting to get worried because in all of the books we read it said that kids will usually start to sort of gurgle out words like “mama” at about six months. I mean, we weren’t _too_ upset when six months passed, but by the time she was ten months old we thought there might be a problem. Her doctor said she was fine though but Levi just wouldn’t stop worrying. He’s such a mother goose around her; it’s really adorable! But yeah, finally about five weeks ago she started talking. She’s pretty quiet like Levi, but every now and then she’ll comment.”

            “What was her first word?” someone asked excitedly.

            “Oh…” Eren blushed, looking down at his feet for a moment before refocusing his attention on his fans. “Well, it’s kinda a funny story, I guess…

            “Whenever Levi doesn’t have field work to do, he likes to work from home so he can watch Mikasa. And remember how I said he’s kind of a mother goose? Yeah, so even while he’s working, he keeps Mika in the room with him. When she was a bit younger, he kept her strapped to his chest like _all the time_ , and now that she’s bigger, he keeps her playpen in his office so she’s practically always in there while he’s working. Like I said, he takes the whole dad role really seriously. And while, yes, it is absolutely adorable seeing grouchy little Levi read bedtime stories with funny voices or sing songs while feeding her, there are some downfalls…

            “Mikasa is a quiet little kid, and while Levi’s working, sometimes, instead of actually playing with her toys, she just likes to watch him work. And Levi is not the most… patient of men. So of course, when he’s on the phone with his subordinates, he’s not always the nicest. And by not the nicest I mean every other sentence is ‘What the fuck is wrong with you, you fucking idiot?’

            “So one day after dinner, Mikasa brought a book over to me and then sat down in my lap. That’s her way of telling me to read her a story without actually opening her mouth. So I start reading her this story about the jungle and Levi’s sitting in an armchair across from the two of us reading the newspaper. And remember, Levi’s a worrier, so at this point he was totally obsessed with trying to get Mikasa to talk. So, every couple of pages I would read a sentence like: “and then the lion roared” and Levi would interject with “Mikasa, say roar.” She would look at him for a moment with that same blank, dull expression he likes to give people when he wants them to shut up and then turn back to me and the book. So finally, on the last page, I read, “All the frogs hopped home together” and Levi says, “Mikasa, say frog.” Mikasa looks really serious for a moment and then slowly says, “fuck.”

            “I just about died at that moment, trying to decide between pride, excitement, and horror and end up just doubled over laughing. Levi picks Mikasa up, frowning, and puts her in his lap before trying again. “Mikasa, say frog.” “Fuck.” Again and again, Levi tries to get her to say frog, and every time, she says fuck. Levi totally freaked out and had me put her down for the night before ranting about how horrible of a parent he is and how he always cusses in front of her and he’s the worst role model and all that, but I was still just cracking up so I gave him some tea and put him to bed too before he wore a hole in the carpet from his pacing.

            “So yeah, ever since then, Mikasa will just randomly imitate one of us while we’re talking. Levi’s been avoiding cussing in front of her, but every now and then she’ll still randomly say fuck, leading to Levi having another breakdown and me having to make a lot of tea.”

            “Wow… Ok,” the reporter spluttered.

            “Alrighty, that’s all we have time for today,” said Eren’s agent Armin as he whisked the reporters away and helped Eren get out without being swarmed.

            Finally, Eren unlocked the door to his house and sighed, stepping inside. Levi was cooking dinner with Mikasa sitting on the counter behind him watching. She smiled when she saw her dad enter and Eren approached the two of them, patting Mikasa on the head and kissing Levi on the cheek.

            “Ugh, take a shower,” Levi grumbled. “You’re fucking filthy.”

            “Fuck!” Mikasa repeated.

            “God- fu-fricking- damn-dang it not again!” Levi cried.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3


End file.
